Back to Work

Wednesday was my first day back at work. As quickly as I became a mom, I have now become a working mom. While there’s no question that it’s a pretty big transition, I suspect that every transition in my life henceforth will be dwarfed by the transition of going from zero to two babies in an instant.

As part of my preparation for my return, I bought some new clothes and succumbed to the “Mommy Chop”:

Sadly, I ripped that brand new shirt on a nail later that day. Argh.

It is very disorienting to be in the office doing things that feel quite familiar and normal while thinking about all the things going on at home that had been my “new normal” for several months. For the most part it feels as though the twins exist in one dimension and my office exists in another, and I warp between them. Matt somehow discovered a portal between the two dimensions and brought Julian and Eloise on a field trip to visit me this afternoon.

I have a whole host of different emotions about being back at at my job: excitement about using my brain in a wider variety of ways; concern for Matt having to spend so much time on his own with the babies (something I still find daunting); and fear of being so overwhelmed with work that I’m not able to find anything approaching that elusive work/life balance nor able to enjoy or do either well. I’m actually quite happy not to be a stay-at-home mom, so regret about that is not among my many emotions, but that’s not to say I don’t miss the babies. This morning Julian was being so cute that he made me late — significantly late — for work. It’s easier to leave when they’re crying. (Well, easier to leave them. Harder to leave poor Matt.)

Anyway, the first few days felt quite surreal, but I’m sure I’ll develop new routines and patterns and will get comfortable with my new working mom identity. At that point perhaps I will no longer spend approximately 40 percent of my day gazing adoringly at the pictures of Julian and Eloise that I have thumb-tacked to my bulletin board.

Hey, for the first time since mid-October, weekends actually mean something again. TGIF, I guess!

Filed under Milestones | Tags: transitions, twins!, work | Comment (1)