One Month
Wow is there not a lot of time to write anything for the blog! Quite frankly, there isn’t a lot of time to take pictures and post them to the blog, either, but Matt has been unbelievably disciplined about doing so. So I figure I can manage to throw a few words up here between feedings and pumpings and feedings and laundry and feedings. First-draft quality, sure, but words nonetheless.
The other day I commented to Matt about how during pregnancy I often heard from parents that once we had kids, we wouldn’t even remember what our life was like without them. Before I could make my follow up comment, Matt made it for me with a longing look in his eyes: “Believe me, I remember that life.” We agreed that just because we clearly remembered our life before kids doesn’t mean that we want to return to it, but it might be nice to take a vacation there. Say, for eight hours. Per day.
Here at one month out we’re still really in the thick of things in terms of constant feedings, innumerable diapers, and unspeakable sleep deprivation. And I’m not going to sugar coat things and pretend that that doesn’t suck a lot of the time. It’s kind of like the worst of finals period in college, but every day you wake up and it’s the beginning of finals period again, and although the material on the exams is exactly the same, the answers are quite possibly completely different.
That said, these are great babies. Their cuteness has been well documented here, but they also boast sweet (if endlessly hungry) temperaments and winning personalities. While it is still a bit early for them to be smiling socially, they are both pretty smiley and happy-looking babies, which is a welcome reward for our oftentimes wearying efforts. (And we also think they’re starting to show inklings of socials smiles, which will be great.) It has been amazing watching them grow over the last month, and it has happened faster than we ever could have anticipated. Julian in particular has really blossomed — if one is allowed to use that term for anyone other than a teenage girl; I’m not sure — and as exhausting as it is to provide round-the-clock sustenance for these ravenous little critters, it is quite rewarding to see them plumping up and becoming more and more alert and lively.
Today is actually the day after their one-month birthday. Yesterday happened to be a pretty rough day for me. Some days just are. I feel a lot better today, partly because the lowest moments just don’t last indefinitely (hear that, parents-to-be?), and partly because I received some great encouragement and support from friends and family when I really needed it. It’s hard in some ways to hear that things are will get a lot easier at six months, or a year, or two years, or four years, because that feels like it will never, ever be us. But of course it will, and we’re in this parenthood thing for the long haul, so it’s helpful to remember that oh yes, one day we will indeed have kids, not just babies. I remember when it felt like I would never get pregnant, and now here I am a mother; right now I feel that things will never get easier with the babies, but time has a way of marching forward whether you’re enjoying it or not, so I know that one day I’ll turn around and find I have older children, probably sooner than I realize.
And of course, there’s a big part of me that doesn’t want to rush through this phase, since there are many wonderful things about it, and I’ll never be able to return to it (should I be crazy enough to want to). To paraphrase a comment from friend of mine (made regarding her new baby), I can’t wait for them to grow up…but they’re growing up too fast!
